Of all these questions, the most nagging might be: why should I stay married to one particular person. While philosophers keep ranting about the agent of change – “Change is the only constant thing in life”, nobody accepts that spouse change is normal! Is it really okay to be married to the same person for life? (more…)

‘Give me space’ – This is almost a normal statement in most relationships nowadays. Though it is doubtful if you can ever make your grand mom or even your mom understand what ‘giving space’ means. “In our times, ‘space’ was an unknown issue”, says Mr. Ram, “We knew our responsibilities and worked hard at making the relationships work”.

But now, we cannot imagine having any relationship that does not give the space that we need, because it is ’suffocating’, and just few years ago, suffocation had only a biological meaning!

Does this mean that the new generation does not realise their respective responsibilities? Not really. Still, it has to be agreed that the effort that people put in to make a relationship work has definitely gone down from what it used to be in the good ol’ times. Blame the changing times, or anything else that you think is appropriate to be blamed, but we have changed. Our priorities have changed vastly.

Today, we seem to realise that we have a choice in life, most of us seem to concentrate on our own lives rather than living a life that is always dictated by other important people in our lives. I think it’s a good trend, I am sure the moms and dads would disagree!

Be happy that you live in this period, when you are given your space, to think, to choose, to act, to live! Believe me, we are a lucky lot! It’s a nice time to be alive, so relish it

Moreover, its not that you are going to have expectations from just about anyone you see on the street. It happens with people whom you believe are responsible, are trustworthy. When these so-called ‘responsible’ people let you down in a relationship, thats when it hurts, you feel pain. Sometimes you are shocked. It takes time for reality to sink in. After all the pain and fuss, what makes you get on to your normalty path is the fact that you are independent. What happens if you are so dependent on your ‘trustworthy’ relationship that you cannot function without their support? You either wither away, or you learn to be independent.

So, that said, Do expect, all the nice things that can ever happen
but whatever you are dealing with- people, machines..just remember that it is a highly dysfunctional lot that you are handling. So be ready for mal-functions!

After all, surprises are part of everyday, aren’t they?

Following are a few tips that working couples should always remember in order to make their marriage tick.

Husbands should remember……………

1. That his wife is working so the family can live a better life and enjoy every facility available to them.
2. To respect his wife’s decision and feelings.
3. That his wife ahs an individuality and she cannot be expected to only be a housewife and sit at home when she is well educated and is fully capable of earning and supporting the family.
4. To help the wife in the household chores and share the kitchen work, cutting vegetables and help her with dishwashing in case the maid takes a holiday.
5. Not be touchy and suspicious about phone calls for her from her male colleagues, which may be only official.
6. Not to doubt her character and should allow her to attend office parties and picnics without insisting on accompany her.
7. Help her with her work is she needs it.

Wifes should remember…………….

1. Never boost about your individuality and independence.
2. Never give an impression that just because you are not dependent on your husband you can do anything and that your husband has no right to tell you anything.
3. Never mix up office tension with family. Once you are out of the office forget about it and concentrate on your family.
4. Never mention office gossip to your husband if he is not interested.
5. Don’t be extravagant just because you are earning.
6. Avoid praising your male colleagues too much on their looks or behaviour. Even if your boss is nice to you, you don’t have to boast the fact to your hubby who would feel jealous and sometimes even suspicious.
7. Don’t be in a hurry to raise a family, as it would affect your career growth. Decide in consultation with your husband, the right time to have the kid and whether you would like to continue working later on.
8. Don’t fight over small matters and learn to avoid unnecessary tensions.

Putting a drop of rose water into each eye just before you sleep can also refresh you eyes.

Some of the reasons for the formation of dark circles are hereditary factors, nutritional deficiencies, stress and inadequate sleep. Hereditary factors, in fact, is a common cause of dark circles. Sun-exposure also affects the skin around the eyes and causes further tanning. Along with external care, check the aspects of your lifestyle. If you wish to use home remedies, you can mix cucumber juice with potato juice in equal quantities and apply daily around the eyes, washing off after 15 minutes.

Dark circles can also be camouflaged with make-up by using a foundation, which is a shade or two lighter than your skin colour and normal foundation. The area around the eyes needs a very light coverage. Apply and spread lightly, using the ring finger. Then tap lightly on the area with the ring finger to blend it. It may need a little practice to get a natural effect. Ask your doctor to prescribe vitamin and mineral supplements and do some deep breathing exercises daily.

All of us need a second opinion. Let our relationship experts give you another angle of thought to your relationship queries.

Question: How does one react to a failed relationship, a friendship or a failed Marriage? Should we be friendly even after we break up? Can we really do that? Or do you agree with me that we should move on and not look back, burying it in the past? Or should you or would you take revenge? Revenge on the person who broke up with you? Or revenge on the system itself? Or revenge on oneself for getting into such a relationship or friendship or marriage?

Query by: Sudha Ramalingam, Noida

Answer: It is possible to be friends after a failed marriage or relationship. Some people are better at it than others in particular many with kids do often remain on reasonable terms. Most people however choose to no longer associate with them anymore. I do not think that revenge is ever the right answer no matter how tempting it is.

It think the end of a friendship usually implies no further contact as how can you remain friends with someone who is no longer your friend? You can I suppose be pleasant when you meet in larger circles but you are not going to be friends with them.

Question: After 6 yrs of marriage, my husband and I had a baby. I live in the US and my parents have come from India for my postpartum care. Problem is, my husband doesn’t show them the respect they deserve. It is not like he ill-treats them, but he just doesn’t speak to them at all, not even a word. He doesn’t even stay in the room that they are in. I have asked him many time to be nice to them until they are here (which is for few more months) but he says that this is all he can tolerate them and refuses to cooperate anything more. My husband is a loner and this is the first time (and probably last time) my parents have visited me. I love my parents to death and my husband’s unacceptable behavior has completely changed the way I feel about him. We had a beautiful married life before the baby. We were more like friends and now his behavior has completely changed my feelings about him. I feel really disappointed that he treats me well but disrespects my parents. I don’t even feel like talking to him or sharing my thoughts anymore. I would like to know if I am right in reacting this way. or should I forgive him (which I don’t feel like) and be a friendly wife like before. Query by: Anonymous

Answer: Having in-laws around can change EVERYTHING.

That’s why a lot of couples prefer not to live in joint family situations!

Let’s face it, you love your parents to death– so of course you would not be able to understand why anybody would have a hard time being around them. And we’d expect our husband to be mature enough to be polite even if he didn’t like them, right?

But I don’t think that’s your true problem– I think you’re insulted and upset that he doesn’t like them, period, because it sounds like he’s doing what he can to stay out of the way. If you get along with him well when your parents aren’t around, don’t hold this against him. Trust me. You’re the parents of a new baby, you need to be friends and happy and calm.

Maybe, for your husband, avoiding your parents is showing them all the respect he can. Grant it to him that maybe it IS just him, and don’t expect him to be something he’s not. You know, most people have a really hard time controlling themselves when they’re in the presence of people who rub them the wrong way– instead of changing his personality, your husband is just being his loner self.

Communicate to him that your feelings are hurt, but be compassionate towards him. Maybe he just wants to spend time alone with his wife and new baby.

Why don’t you just enjoy your time with your parents, attempt to show appreciation towards your husband and provide a quiet space in the home to him, and if your parents are insulted, don’t apologize for him. Just say, “He doesn’t mean to offend you. It’s just his personality. He is a very good husband and father.” You sticking up for him will be good all around.

I know you don’t feel like forgiving him, but would you forgive your parents if they treated your husband rudely? I bet you would…because you have a lifelong relationship with them. Now you are also bonded to him in the same way. Ask him if you can do anything to make the next few months more pleasant for him– would he like time alone with you? The baby? Take advantage of your parents– I hate to sound disrespectful, but you will not have such convenient babysitters for some time, so if you feel up to it, pump some milk to leave for baby and go out for some quality time with your husband, just a few hours one night, to talk in a space where you can remember why you love your baby’s father in the first place!

Best wishes.

Do you have issues in your relationship that you need advice for? Send in your queries to lifestyle@1rupeematrimony.com

Besides good health and other basic needs of life, self-esteem is a requisite to keep you happy. Self-esteem is also important for maintaining good mental health. It is one of the major ingredients in the formula for success.

When self-esteem is very low, it is difficult for you to achieve success. This is because you waste a lot of time worrying about what people think of you, worrying about your real or imaginary weaknesses, the mistakes committed in the past and what future has in store for you. The time wasted in worrying could have been better utilized on studies or on equipping yourself with more information and training, to do better in sports, debates, singing, swimming or whatever work you have on hand. When your self-esteem is poor you will not be able to even communicate with your fellow beings.

You may be good-looking, born with a silver spoon in your mouth, talented and possess variety of skills. But, if you don’t value yourself, it will be reflected in your behavior and in turn others will also underestimate you. It’s not their fault really. How can you expect others to value yourself, when you yourself don’t? Your other counterparts may not be as talented or as skillful as you are. But they will definitely score over you if they have a better self-image compared to you.

The moment you develop a better self image, you will be surprised to note the changes. If you are a student, your academic performance & performance in extracurricular activities will improve. If you are employed, you will perform much better in your job and rise high on the corporate ladder.

A person, who has the treasure of self-esteem, moves ahead. In addition, he/she can easily adjust to all kinds of people and situations, can relax, trust, help and appreciate others easily.

So go and hunt for that treasure of self-esteem. It is within you only.

But how does that help? What does it mean to you?

Supposedly beneficial in the context of cardiovascular diseases, It helps to lower LDL cholesterol, which is responsible for the formation of blood clots and thus reduces the risks of stroke and heart attacks. It is in fact as effective as aspirin in preventing platelets from clotting. This fact maybe explains why the Japanese who drink a lot of green tea do not suffer as much from heart disease as their compatriots around the world. The anti oxidants in the green tea are supposed to ensure that the liver is protected against toxins present in cigarette and alcohol.

Green tea also helps to burn those extra calories. It increases the energy that is expended, helps to oxidize fats. In simpler words, it is believed to reduce weight, now is it not a incentive worth having? Results indicated that 266 extra calories were burned per day while taking the green tea product. While these numbers might seem like small increases, it only takes the burning of a small amount of extra calories every day to promote serious weight loss over time. Several studies have also shown that green tea can lower blood fats, including cholesterol, so it seems reasonable that the fat reduction could be extended to fats overall in the body. Taken together, this herb increases thermogenesis, promotes fat oxidation, and lowers blood fats- a potent combination.

Green tea and its extracts have also been used to prevent dental plaque and hence prevent tooth decay. Deodorants and creams promoting oral health are being advertised strongly as science and technology has provided evidence that green tea can actually afford some protection against bacteria causing cavities because of its fluoride content.

The anti oxidant present in green tea help to decrease inflammation of blood and this in turn helps to prevent arthritis. New studies indicate that the beneficial effects of green tea could also include means to combat cancer especially lung cancer. People have always been plagued by high blood pressure, which is triggered by the loss of elasticity in the arteries. Green tea inhibits the production of the substances, which cause the arteries to constrict. Diabetes, which is even more common than high blood pressure, can actually be kept under control by consuming green tea. Starch in any form is converted into sugar and this is done with the help of an enzyme called amylase. The polyphenols present in green tea extract reduces the amount of amylase produced and hence the levels of sugar in the blood also decrease.

Green tea helps to regulate bowel function and regularity. One study showed a significant improvement with a daily dose of 500 mg of total polyphenols. People who drink green tea have less constipation.

It acts as an antibacterial and antiviral agent and in some cases has known to help in influenza and diarrhea. It relieves stress, improves bone structure and delays the onset of osteoporosis.

Green tea may promote longevity. At least, Japanese females who are traditional practitioners of the tea ceremony have particularly low mortality rates. Considering all the other benefits of this herb, though, this seems logical.